What If I Fail?

 “We’re supposed to do scary. Without scary, we don’t get to be brave.”

                                                                                    

                                                                                                                       Quicken Loans Commercial Script

Failure is not fun! Let’s agree on that! The fear of failure is a scary prospect.

For a moment, let’s imagine a world without the possibility of failure ever happening. Perhaps you’re heard the question before, from motivational speakers. It goes like this: “If you knew that you couldn’t fail, what great endeavor would you undertake?” Wow! That sure opens a lot of possibilities, doesn’t it? You’d be forgiven, as you face the current and real issues of your life, if for a moment you wished there was no chance of failure.

I’m going to suggest, however, that without the chance for failure, there would be no great endeavors for you, or for anyone else for that matter. Think about it for a moment. If the world simply didn’t include the possibility of failure, not only would failure NOT exist for you, it wouldn’t exist for anyone else, either. And, we would have a far less interesting, exciting, and enjoyable world as a result.

Don’t believe me? Well, Imagine a football game, or a marathon, or a basketball contest, where every participant knows that he or she is going to be the winner, or on the winning team. Imagine a Kentucky Derby, where every jockey knows that they are aboard the winning horse. Imagine that prettiest girl on your high school or college campus. Every boy or young man there knows that he will be the one to get her hand. I almost wrote “win” her hand, but that implies a contest of some kind, where there might be winners and losers. In our imaginary world without failure, that possibility doesn’t exist. Remember?

And, therein lies the problem of doing away with even the possibility of failure. If life worked at all, it would certainly be confusing, at the least. All of the fun and excitement would be drained out of life if we knew, for instance, that our team would always win; game after game; year after year; season after season. But, so would the other school alumni, and so would your neighbor down the street…you know, the one who used to taunt you when your team would lose? He won't be doing that any longer, in our "world without failure".

Who would attend the annual Bowl games, if the outcome was always pre-ordained that both teams would win? The fun…the excitement…the memories…the “worth”…even the tailgate parties are based on the premise and excitement of witnessing our team as winners, with the bitter-sweet possibility and awareness that our team could lose, too. Just as you might fail to reach your goal.

So, back to the issue at hand, which is your goals, and the possibility of your ultimate success in life. The question that the motivational speaker asks is a good one, but the conclusion is false. The conclusion is that you should go ahead and start out to achieve your goal, as if failure is not a possibility. But, failure is a real possibility. We all know that. The possibility of failure shouldn’t immobilize us, however. That’s why we’ve always stressed having worthy goals, doing the proper research on your goal, obtaining the necessary training and education to achieve your goal, planning, moving forward, taking in the feedback you get from results, and continuing to move toward that which you want to achieve. And, yes, we have stressed starting out in the direction of your goal immediately. Fear, along with simple procrastination, have probably thwarted more achievements in life than there are grains of sand on the beach. How many products weren’t launched, because the developer was afraid? How many relationships never happened, because of fear of rejection? How many great books, or paintings, or symphonies, or movies were never created, because the author could not face the possibility of embarrassment or failure?

Without the chance of failure, who would celebrate your achievement? Without the possibility of disappointment, how would you ever feel your own worth? In any endeavor, whether undertaken against a team of 6-foot, corn-fed, grid iron behemoths, or simply against our own self-image in front of our family, there will be a outcome, and there is always the possibility of it being failure.

There’s nothing wrong with being fearful of failure, as long as it doesn’t paralyze us, or keep us from achieving something truly wonderful and worthy. Yes, it’s scary. But, as the script for the Quicken Loans commercial reads, it’s supposed to be that way. Without scary, how would any one of us ever be brave?

I hope you have the opportunity to be brave….today!

Our Destination

In the first article of this series, you decided that you were the Pilot of your life...in charge...in command. Good for you. That is a successful “first step”. Then, upon reflection, you realized that there are plenty of others who have had, are having, or will have a say in what you do with your life. When you were young, parents or guardians pretty much controlled things as simple as when you went to bed and when you arose for the day. Later, in high school or college, teachers controlled your day. If you were ever in the military, then you know that your time is well regimented. Are you employed? Married? Need I say more?

First, you must realize that when we say that you should pick a destination or realize that you are in charge of your life, we are not suggesting for a moment that you get to quit what you are doing now, or that you are allowed or encouraged to simply do as you please, when you please. That might be a literal description of being in charge of your life, but that is not what we are writing about. We meant that you get to decide where you are going, what you will become, and on what schedule you will achieve those things. Admittedly, this is easier before we have accumulated the emblems of life – car, house, spouse, children, job, etc. But, it can even be done with these things. You merely have to realize that if you are coming late to the realization that you are in charge of your life, then you may have some extreme decisions to make. Or, you may have to hold on to your dream while you accept and live with the situation created up to this point. However, it's equally important to realize that while others (parents, supervisors, commanding officers, spouses, children) may control periods or phases of your life, there is still little to stop you from heading off in the direction of your major goal or purpose in life, other than yourself. You may merely have to change one thing – your brain – to change your life. You may have been warned to watch what you think when you were younger. The popular quote goes like this:

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” - Unknown

Although the author is unknown, the words are potent, and they will work for you, if employed in the proper manner, just as they must certainly work against you, if employed incorrectly. So, no matter what your current situation is, you can certainly think about what you would like to become. Those thoughts will become words. The words will begin to take action, which will become habitual. Eventually, all of this becomes your destiny, and you must surely become what you think about.

You may ask, however, “What if I die before I reach my destiny?” That's possible....unfortunate, but possible. But, which you rather have as the epitaph for your life? That you never had a goal that drove and motivated you, or that you simply never had enough time to achieve or realize your goal? I don't know about you, but I hope it's the latter. We are successful the very moment we stop turning in circles and set off in the direction of a worthy goal. That's why this article is the second in our series and deserves some time for pause and serious reflection. The person who can grasp that success is not in the achieving, but in the journey, will be a changed person. Once you have decided to be the pilot of your own life, and once you have chosen a destination, you will be a changed person. Some may not recognize you. And, you may not recognize yourself. Your attitude, your walk, your smile...everything about you will change when you have set course on your destination. And, because you recognize that there is no assurance that tomorrow will ever come for you, then why don't you get started on your personal destination today?  Right now?  This very moment?  After all, you and I have soberly recognized that you just might not reach your final destination at all, or with those you love the most. To my way of thinking, it's important to get started this very instant.

Say these positive words to yourself right now, and daily from here on. “I am the pilot in command of my life. I am in charge of my destination, and my destination is _______________”.

Here you must fill in the blank, because no one in your life can or should fill this blank in for you...except YOU. The "blank" will be the subject of another article soon.  It's your goal. And, if you don't feel that you have a goal just yet, then we'll be working on helping you with that. For now, just remember, that once you have made the decision to be fully in control of your life, and once you have settled on your destination, you must...you will achieve it. You will be immediately changed, and you will be a success.

Who's Flying Your plane?

One of the true joys of traveling, that is, before the days of being nearly strip-searched when boarding an airplane, was that moment when all of the planning, excitement, anticipation, and packing finally ended, and we settled into the seat of a big jumbo jet, ready to depart on our grand adventure. When I was very young, and took my very first plane ride for the short hop from Memphis, Tennessee to Jonesboro, Arkansas you would have thought I was headed out on an African safari. The thrill was palpable, and I've never tired of flying, even going so far as to earn my private pilot's license later in life.

As we strap ourselves into the seat and feel the jet engines finally come to life, how many of us have leaned back and concentrated on the journey that is about to begin, perhaps forgetting entirely about our journey of “planning” that just ended?

And, have you ever thought about the “journey” of planning that also just ended for the pilots up in the cockpit? It would become very evident if the pilot's voice was to come on the plane's intercom and happily intone: “Good morning, everyone. Welcome to our airline today. We're about to depart, and we ask that you keep your seat belts securely fastened during our departure. We're going to be flying around for a couple of hours this morning, and before we leave, my co-pilot and I wondered if there are any requests for possible destinations. Or, maybe you'd just like to cruise around and land back here at our home field. In just a few moments, the flight attendants will be passing out pencils and small slips of paper. If you would vote on your favorite landing place, we'll collect and tabulate the results. As soon as we have that done, I'll be back to let you know where we are going.”

My guess is that it would take you about 10 seconds to unstrap your seat belt and get off of that airplane...fast, perhaps never flying with that airline again. Am I right? If I am correct, and if you would vacate that plane immediately, I'm going to guess that it's because you don't want to fly with someone who just clearly has no clue as to where they are headed...someone who is willing to take a vote from a group of strangers and let that vote determine where they are headed. Scary isn't it?

So, just how much more scary is it for you to have no destination in mind for your own life? How scary is it to gather the input from total strangers, or even well meaning friends, and allow that input to determine where you are headed...today...tomorrow...or over a lifetime? Do you really want to be around people who glibly admit that they have no goals or destinations in mind? This is especially true if you depend on them for something, be it employment, faith, family...anything. We want the authorities in our life to have goals and convincing ideas. As the authority on our own lives, why should we be any different?

If we go back to that airline captain for a moment, it's true that his destination has been pre-determined by the airline company. However, all of the other skills that came together when he and his or her co-pilot took their seats at the front of the plane, were used in the planning process that culminates in landing you and your fellow passengers at your intended destination. It didn't all just happen accidentally. Neither should your life. The pilot spent years in training and in actual practice to be at this point. You depend on their skill. You depend on them having checked the weather en route. You depend on them knowing emergency procedures and being able to employ them reflexively, if needed. I could go on and on about the preparedness that we take for granted in others as we fly our own path through life.

The same concept applies to so many of the things that we do, from elevators that work as we expect, to traffic that flows according to certain rules. There's so much that controls how we go about our daily lives, but there is nothing that controls your final destination...except you! Your mind...your goals...your desires...these are the only things that control where you will end up in life. Make it a goal today to become your own “Pilot”. There is no way that this means you should bully or push your way along in life. Nor does it mean that you should disregard the rules that society has put in place or the value system you were taught as a child. If you think of those things as the guard rails on a bridge, then you will see that they don't hinder the destination on the road you are taking. They simply indicate the limits, beyond which you might get hurt, or even killed. However, if you plan your own destination, gather your own information, take advantage of the training opportunities around you, and prepare yourself for the success of achieving your goal, you will be much happier once you arrive.

And, I can assure you that the trip will be far more enjoyable!